On delaying my dev projects

Sat, 07 January 2023

If you came here after reading the title looking for a solution, sorry pal, it's in another castle blog.

Each year I face the ritual of buying a new calendar, transferring my dev project goals only to realize I'm rewriting the same old ambitions. It's not like I've been idling away, I've a acquired a particular set of skills: Remix, OpenAI API, full-stack development, e-commerce, you name it. But they're piling up like a stack of laundry, apparent and yes, stinky. It's great for my resume, but what about my viral tech twitter moment?

It's not for the lack of ideas, I've come up with dozens(I know, a budding solo-dev). Nor is it the lack of understanding - Sure, wiring up a Stripe membership might get me gamer sweaty, but haven't we all been there? Plus, there's always good old ChatGPT to lead me astray. Kidding. I hope. But beneath all this, I think deep down it's a more raw lack of courage. The courage to be judged and disliked. Simply rephrased, it's fear.

Okay, I'm here exposing some sincere thoughts to the public. Problem solved, right? If only. I can't just go goblin mode at 3am and conquer the world. There have been embedded intrusive thoughts that have always lingered: "You're not cut out for tech", "Everyone's smarter than you", or "Who'd listen to you, anyway?" I don't know if I planted these brambly rooted thoughts, nor does it matter, because I'm tired of not shipping.

The pain of unfulfilled potential? It's a constant ache. That along with the fact I'm getting older also means I'm caring less about what insignificant others (not family, friends, or my partner) think of me.

This post? It's my echo-chambered battle cry. My public commitment. I've been guzzling tech youtube juice for too long that I'm dopamine short-circuited. I've got to brew my own stew, or better yet, break the patter and cook up something new. Here's to a year of fresh starts and projects that'll see the light of day.

And to you, my dear reader, facing your own unfulfilled dreams - let's make this the year we turn them into reality.